


Right-Hand Man

by masi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1400266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masi/pseuds/masi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is good at understanding Erwin. Erwin wants to hone this skill further.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right-Hand Man

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: spoilers through chapter 55, brief mentions of violence and death

“How’d you do it?” Mike asks.

Erwin looks up from Hange’s proposal. Mike is currently slouching by the windows, having gotten bored of sniffing around the desk and tutting at Hange’s request to capture a titan for experiment.

“What do you mean?” Erwin asks. 

“Get that brat Levi to heel.”

It has been years since Erwin has had to make threats or offer bribes in order to convince Levi to listen to him. They have come a long way from the day he knelt in front of Levi in the mud of the Underground District and said that Levi and his friends would be handed over to the Military Police if Levi did not agree to join the Survey Corps. But just yesterday, on arriving at their current lodgings, he had told Levi to stay on lookout while he conferred with the other captains, and Levi had replied, “Yes, _Commander_ ,” mock-saluting. Erwin is quite positive no one has ever addressed him in such a sardonic fashion before.

He replies to Mike’s question, “Levi does what he wants. He wants to be in the Survey Corps at the moment, so he is. I am not sure why you think otherwise.” 

Mike laughs. “Really? Careful, Erwin, I can almost smell something from you, and it smells like …”

“Yes?” 

Mike turns away, shrugging. “No need to glare at me. All I meant was that it was funny when Hange ran after the titan yesterday. All you had to do was say Levi’s name, and bam. Off he goes with his Special Operations Squad.”

“I wish everyone would understand directions as easily,” Erwin replies.

“Touché.” Mike scratches his nose. “I wish I had my own lap dog.”

Erwin tries to remember the last time he had to give Levi any detailed instructions. He had gone over the goals and strategies for this 49th Expedition Beyond the Walls last week, but of course Levi has to be briefed on strategy: he is excellent in combat but not a very strategic thinker, especially when the lives of his comrades are on the line. In simpler matters, however, Erwin never has to repeat himself. But has their understanding of each other gotten to the point where a few words, perhaps coupled with a gesture, suffice? 

Yesterday’s incident could have been an anomaly. Or perhaps the situation was obvious enough that anyone would have known what Erwin wanted. 

“He is intuitive,” Erwin says to Mike. “And he has been with us for a while. In fact,” he places Hange’s proposal in a folder, “tell him that I wish to see him. I have to speak to him about Hange’s request.”

Levi arrives five minutes later, scowling, pushing through the door so hard it bangs against the wall. “Oops,” he says, tone grave. 

He has brought a chair with him. He plunks the chair down in front of Erwin’s desk, seats himself, crosses his legs. “You called?”

“Yes.” Erwin puts the folder on top of the stack he will have to take back to headquarters. “Tell Hange that the request has been granted.”

“Of course,” Levi replies, adjusting his cravat.

“Of course?” Erwin repeats, thinking of what Mike said. “What do you mean by that? You knew I would agree and then tell you to find Hange?”

“Why else would you call me here?” Levi looks up at him. 

Erwin stares back. Levi’s gaze is unnerving more often than not and especially so in the daylight, the cold apathy in it, the dark bags underneath his grey eyes, but it fascinates him. After their first meeting, he used to spend quite a lot of time thinking about Levi’s eyes, would sometimes see that gaze boring into him from behind his own eyelids. It is always odd, but nice also, to see Levi when he is sleeping; he looks gentler with his eyes closed, his bangs tangling over his forehead. 

“Quite right,” Erwin agrees. 

Levi hmms a little, sounding bored, presses the tips of his fingers to the patch of sunlight on the desk. He touches Erwin’s hair like that sometimes. The morning after the first time they had sex, he had said, “fuck, your hair is glowing,” had pushed his fingers into Erwin’s hair, kissed Erwin hard on the mouth, and Erwin thinks of that almost every time he brushes his hair now, thinks of that more than he really should.

Erwin says, “We’re understanding each other better these days. I am glad.”

Levi frowns. “Yeah, right. How’s anyone supposed to understand you when you’re so fucked up?”

“Excuse me?”

He must have sounded angry because Levi says, “That doesn’t make you special. Don’t get the wrong idea. We’re all fucked up here.”

“Levi,” Erwin says, as Levi is walking to the door, “Hange is -”

“Visiting Ilse’s family. I know.”

Astounding, Erwin thinks. He watches the door close behind Levi and then looks at the chair. He ponders on the pros and cons of testing Levi’s sudden mind-reading skills further. 

He knows better than to do anything out of mere curiosity (he is reminded of that every time he visits his father’s grave), but this is more than that. Honing Levi’s intuitive skills can serve a greater purpose. Being able to read each other can come in handy during these expeditions beyond the walls, where every second counts, where all one may have time to say can be just a word. One name. 

It can be useful in the future too. The Military Police may decide to use Erwin and Levi as scapegoats for some fabricated crime and haul them off to be executed. Erwin will need an escape plan then that uses non-verbal cues. At least Levi needs to be able to get away. 

***

Erwin decides to commence Mission Get Levi to Understand Me Better with an easy first task. When the next Aberrant comes lumbering towards their lodgings, he rides out with Levi. Just before launching himself up to the titan’s neck, he shouts, “Levi!”

Levi twirls around mid-flight, changing direction to swing towards the titan’s face. Erwin slices through the tendons of the titan’s nape just as the titan reaches for Levi. They land on opposite sides of the titan’s body as it crashes to the ground.

“Good work,” Erwin says. “That’s exactly what I wanted you to do.”

Levi frowns as he slides his blades back into their sheaths. “There was no need for you to come out. You thought I couldn’t do it?”

So, Erwin notes, half-fond, half-relieved, Levi understands what is expected of him in battle, but not the reasons behind Erwin’s decisions. That is for the best. Levi was not incorrect when he said that Erwin was fucked up. 

“Can’t leave all the work for you, can I?” Erwin replies. He rests a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “And I need the exercise. Ought not to get rusty.”

“You’re already rusty, old man,” Levi says, but he is smiling a little. He hasn’t pushed Erwin’s hand away yet, doesn’t when Erwin squeezes the shoulder either.

***

The next task is also easy. Erwin allows large piles of folders, books, and maps to accumulate on his desk. After Levi arrives with two cups of tea and scowls at the mess, Erwin places his inkwell on top of a teetering pile of folders, sighs, says, “Levi.”

“Yeah, fine, Slob,” Levi replies. He sets the cups down on the windowsill and unties his cravat.

Erwin says, “Thank you,” and he was going to let Levi get on with the organizing and cleaning while he finished his current progress report, but he rises out of his chair to kiss Levi’s collarbones instead. 

He can’t help it. Levi’s collarbones are exquisite, so sharp against the thin skin, so solid against Erwin’s tongue. It was a sad day when Levi decided to start wearing a cravat, though he is lovely in it. 

“Horny pig,” Levi murmurs, arching his neck to give Erwin better access.

“You like it.” Erwin licks the hollow between Levi’s collarbones, once, twice. He can feel Levi’s heartbeat thrumming against his tongue. He says, “Tell me how much you like it.”

“I like it,” Levi replies, grasping the back of Erwin’s neck with a firm hand, “but not as much as I like you on your knees, sucking my dick. Want to suck me off, Commander Smith?”

It is only four in the afternoon, so there is plenty of time left to complete the paperwork later. Erwin is about to get down on his knees when Levi pushes him away, muttering, “Nice try, but the tea is getting cold. Don’t waste it.” He ties his cravat over his mouth. He continues, as he starts sifting through the mess, voice muffled, “We’re running short of that brand of black tea. Those fucking pig merchants have raised the prices, can you believe it?”

Erwin sits back down on his chair, asks, “Are both cups for me?”

“Now they are. I can’t drink in a messy room.”

“Let’s drink outside then. You can clean the desk later.”

Levi raises an eyebrow and then shrugs in agreement.

***

Sex is an act that allows for greater intimacy, so Erwin wants to incorporate as many nights and mornings of this event as he can in his Mission Get Levi to Understand Me Better. After all, practice makes perfect. The only problem is that they don’t have much time for it while they are outside of Wall Rose, and they always have to be very quiet when they do.

He does try, however, murmuring “Levi” and pressing a kiss to Levi’s nape or right knee when he wants Levi to relax for him, and that works fairly well. He plans on practicing more when they have returned to the capital, things like how to get Levi to come just by Erwin saying his name. 

But then Erwin receives the news that large groups of titans are moving towards Trost, and he returns to another broken wall, more chaos, and a titan-shifter by the name of Eren Yeager, the boy who can save the Survey Corps, perhaps, the boy who is perhaps the key to a future that Erwin tries not to think of as impossible. He puts his side mission on hold. 

***

Erwin keeps his captains at a distance while he formulates plans for finding and capturing the spy in their midst, the second titan-shifter. Mike expresses discontentment about their new estrangement, but Erwin really does not have much to say besides, “I’ll tell you when the time comes.” He trusts Mike, and Levi too of course, with his life, but he doesn’t trust them to agree with his methods. After all, the plans don’t quite sit well with him either. 

He is afraid, for one long moment, when they are in the dense forest and his plans have all but failed. The Female Titan is surrounded by the hordes of titans she has called, and his soldiers are fighting to keep the Female Titan intact, on his orders. He needs the information that she can provide, but there have been so many casualties already.

He calls for the Survey Corps to retreat. The mission has failed, Levi finds it necessary to point out, and they are going to be in trouble.

And then Erwin realizes that the spy may have been able to get away under the cover of the confusion and smoke in the forest. Levi is about to go to his squad. Erwin says, “Wait, Levi.”

Levi pauses. Erwin tells him to refill his gas and blades. Levi protests, and Erwin has to remind him that this is an order. Levi agrees finally, saying, “I trust your decision.” 

In the end, however, it is not enough. Levi’s squad is dead, and then he injures his left leg trying to save Mikasa Ackerman. 

***

The townspeople grumble as they gather around to watch the surviving members of the Survey Corps make their way back through the gates. They mutter to themselves as the Survey Corps travel down the street like a funeral procession for a particularly morbid funeral, the wounded pallbearers struggling under the weight of the invisible and visible corpses, under the burden of survivors’ guilt. Petra’s father runs over to Levi, beaming. A throng of people approach Erwin with questions, rightfully angry.

Back in their lodgings, after telling Eren about the new plan to capture Annie Leonhart and then dismissing the kids to their room, Erwin walks around to Levi’s side of the table in the mess hall, touches Levi’s injured leg. He says, “Levi.”

Levi looks at him, gaze unreadable. After a moment, Levi says, “It’s not a big deal. I’ll be back on the field in no time.”

Erwin is surprised by Levi’s response. He had been trying to convey how sorry he was about Levi’s squad. He was not expecting Levi to feel guilty about a temporarily injured leg, not after doing so much for all of them.

Erwin says, “No, that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry about ... I’m sorry.”

Levi jerks his leg away, winces. He snaps, “Don’t even start, Erwin.”

“You can punch me in the face.”

“That’s a thought. I’d love to break your nose. But we’re going to be meeting Nile soon, and I don’t want to give Nile the satisfaction of laughing at your broken nose.”

“After all of this is over, and if we survive, you can do whatever you like to me.” 

Erwin means this, one hundred percent. If Levi wants to kill him, he can. Erwin knows he deserves it, for Isabel and Farlan, for all the members of the Survey Corps young and old, for Eren crying in the wagon earlier, for Levi right now, alone at the table, thick bandages tied around his leg, for Father always.

“You don’t have to tell me that.” Levi turns to glare at him. “I was planning to anyway. Don’t ever apologize when you don’t mean it, bastard.” He makes a fist. “Right? What are you even fucking sorry for? You’d do it again if you thought it was right.”

“Yes, I would,” Erwin agrees, “but that does not mean I am not sorry when you are upset, or that I don’t always try my utmost to find a better solution, one with the least possible casualties.”

Levi says, “Shut up. After all of this is over, and I’ve kicked your ass, I’m going to go far, far away from you. The other end of the world. I hope it’s so far away, even changing horses one thousand times won’t get you there.”

“That’s fine. But I need to know that you still trust me.”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose, sighs. After a long, tense moment in which Erwin’s heart rate skyrockets unpleasantly, Levi replies, “Why else am I here?”

This is why he loves Levi, Erwin thinks, wiping his sweating palms on his pants. One of the many reasons. Levi has stayed for so long despite everything Erwin has put him through. And he has never asked for more than Erwin can give. He is not like Marie, not like anyone else Erwin has ever met, truly. 

“Whatever you want,” Erwin says, putting his arms around Levi. “But stay with me until then. Please. Levi.”

***

In Stohess District, after the Military Police have handcuffed him, Erwin tells Levi, “Stay put.” 

He is glad that Nile has decided to leave Levi alone. Levi must not start a fight and get hauled off to prison, or worse. 

Levi pauses at Erwin’s side, agrees that he doesn’t like pointless deaths. Relieved, Erwin allows himself to be escorted off to his trial. There is no need for an escape plan just yet.

Not too long after, there is Levi, back in uniform and jumping into the foray between the two titan-shifters, there he goes, cutting Eren out of the titan body. 

After being grilled by the brass, Erwin returns to Levi and kisses him, sucks him off nice and slow, tells him, “You’ve done well. I love you.”

***

Erwin receives his comeuppance earlier than he thought he would. His right arm, more than three-quarters removed. He can still feel the titan’s breath burning the now absent flesh, the teeth sawing through the bone. Each time he gets out of the hospital bed to use the toilet he needs a moment to find his balance. He has become a useless sack of shit. Humanity’s hope indeed.

Mike is gone. No more “I’ll tell you when the time comes” for Mike. 

“Erwin,” Levi says, placing a cool hand on Erwin’s forehead. “You’re mumbling to yourself again.” 

Levi will be gone too. 

There was a time, not too long ago, when Erwin was trying to teach Levi to understand him better. That mission is over. There will be no need for understanding in the future, with Erwin stuck inside the capital and Levi out fighting the titans. He deserves it. The anxiety of separation, waiting for the bad news, not being able to save Levi, not being able to say that last goodbye.

“His fever is back,” he hears Levi say to someone. Levi sounds furious. He is asking, “What kind of medicine are you giving him?”

After a moment, Levi mutters, “Hey, Erwin, who do I have talk to to get you the right medicine?” 

“Forget about that, Levi,” Erwin says, reaching for his hand. 

Levi clasps his hand tightly, as he does with soldiers who are about to die and want a consoling send-off. He is a study in contrasts, is Levi, acerbic words and unapproachable mien yet acts of compassion and kindness, small stature but a large presence, so strong yet so gentle the way his other hand comes to rest on Erwin’s, strokes his wrist. 

“You will have to be my right hand man now,” Erwin says, trying to smile. “Literally.”

“Very funny,” Levi replies. “Why couldn’t that titan have eaten your shitty sense of humor instead of that arm?”

“How’s your leg?” Erwin wants to touch Levi’s knee, but Levi is still holding his hand. The bags under Levi’s eyes have become dark, angry bruises. 

“Healed. Want to test it out?” Levi raises his left foot. “I can kick your ass, and you can tell me how much it hurts on a scale of one, ow, to ten, fucking.”

“Levi,” Erwin says, squeezes Levi’s hand. 

“Fine, I’ll do it.” Levi scowls. “I’ve been doing it for years, old man. Are you growing senile? But you can give me your latest instructions for your newest plan to save humanity later. Will you lie down for now?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” How disappointing that Levi can never read his heart. “You’ll be sent back outside the walls sooner or later. I want you to be careful.”

“Erwin, I swear, don’t start with any of that sentimental bullshit-”

“I thought of you. When my arm was in that titan’s mouth, I thought of you. And after, when I thought I was going to bleed to death. I -”

Levi clamps a hand over Erwin’s mouth, says in a fierce tone, “You lost an arm, not half your body or anything dramatic like that. Stop being a baby. You can still sit around in a chair and draw your maps. I’ll hold your fucking ruler for you. Just do me a favor and remember that the people you’re going to be sending outside the walls are living, breathing people and not chess pieces, alright?”

After he removes his hand, Erwin promises, “Of course I will remember. And I will make sure the next commander remembers too.” After all, Levi will be among them, trying to strategize while taking care of a group of teenagers. 

“Good.” Levi stands up, grasps Erwin by the chin, kisses him. His mouth tastes of the black tea they both like, and the kiss is wet and familiar, and Erwin is grateful suddenly, that he is still here, that he is still able to touch Levi. 

Afterwards, Levi rubs his cheek, says, “Now tell me where I can get your medicine. And you need to shave. I think my face is bleeding.”

Levi does not get a chance to shave him, however, until the next day, after Erwin has further confirmation that his father’s theories about the titans were correct. 

There is one more task Erwin has left to do, and then he can let Levi go.

***

Levi comes to visit the day before his first expedition under the 14th Commander of the Survey Corps. They share a whole pot of tea and then Erwin takes Levi to his new bedroom of his new house next to the palace. They spend the rest of the afternoon and the night there. 

“You’ll listen to Armin, won’t you?” Erwin asks in the morning, when it is time to say goodbye. 

Levi rolls his eyes as he bandages the left leg, which still gives him trouble from time to time. He says, “As long as he says anything worth listening to.”

Erwin buttons up his coat. It feels odd to be dressed in civilian clothes when Levi is in a Survey Corps uniform. He has had a talk with Armin yesterday about Levi. He knows that Armin will do his best to have zero casualties on the expedition, but he also knows whom Armin will choose to save if it comes down to a choice between the boy’s friends and Levi. 

“Be safe.”

“You don’t have to cry, old man.”

Levi reaches into his knapsack, draws out a blue knit blanket. “Here,” he says, throwing it around Erwin’s shoulders. “You can cry into that when you’re feeling lonely.”

The blanket is soft and warm, the knitting beautiful. Erwin feels a lump in his throat, something tighten in his chest. He still wears the pair of socks Levi knit for him a few years back. He was with Levi when he made them, the needles clinking and flashing in the candlelight, Levi’s eyebrows furrowed in irritation as he muttered about how he couldn’t sleep at night because Erwin always put his cold feet on him. Erwin wonders what kind of face Levi made when he was knitting this blanket. 

Erwin asks, “You made this for me?” 

Levi kisses the corner of Erwin’s mouth, says, “Bye bye, honey, play nice with Queen Historia okay.” He cards his fingers through Erwin’s hair, tugs once, playful, but his gaze is somber, and when Erwin kisses him again, Levi holds onto his shoulders for a little too long.

This is Erwin’s chance to let Levi go. He was supposed to, after the revolution. Levi is better off without him. But now that the time has come, he can only think of all the years they have been together, of all the times he has looked around for Levi and not felt reassured until seeing him. He cannot imagine a future where he has voluntarily separated himself from Levi. 

Erwin says, “Remember, after you come back, you owe me an ass-kicking.”

“Huh?”

“You said that before. Remember. And that you were going to move away from me.”

“True.” Levi opens the front door. “But I don’t want people sending me letters begging me to come back and take care of you because heartbreak has caused you to become more touchy-feely and cryptic than usual. Letters complaining about how you’ve started yelling FORWARD at random strangers.”

“Levi,” Erwin says. He takes his old bolo tie out of his coat pocket. 

Levi looks at the tie for a long moment before holding his hand out. Erwin folds it into Levi’s hand, closes their fingers over it.

“How am I supposed to wear this with my cravat,” Levi says, frowning. “And I don’t want to match with that Armin brat. You know that I’m not going to wear it.”

“I know.” Erwin smiles. “But I want you to have mine anyway.”

***

When the threat of the titans has all but vanished, Erwin retires from his position of Chief Advisor to the Throne and packs a bag. He hasn’t traveled beyond the former Shiganshina District in years. 

He rechecks the backpack. Both his and Levi’s clothes are in there, just enough for a week. As are their toiletries. A first-aid kit. Before latching the bag closed, he folds the knit blanket inside. Then he walks out to the kitchen.

Levi has finished washing the breakfast dishes and is currently sitting at the kitchen table, second cup of tea held up to his mouth, today’s newspaper spread out in front of him. He has rolled up the sleeves of his favorite hideous sweater, one given to Erwin long ago by a relative and found by Levi in the back of their closet. He looks young.

“Can you believe this?” he says, turning a page of the paper. “This fancy recipe. You need mushrooms. Actual fungus.”

“Levi,” Erwin says, holds out his hand.

He is not certain that Levi will understand this request. Or want to accept. Erwin is being whimsical and also selfish. Levi returned from his latest expedition (and perhaps last: Levi slept for forty-eight hours straight after coming home, and Erwin had to periodically check to make sure Levi was still breathing) only a week ago. He probably has no desire to do anything more strenuous than cleaning their house. 

Levi puts his cup down. He lets out a long, drawn-out sigh. “Fine,” he says. “We’ll go.”

“Aren’t you going to ask where?”

“To the ocean, where else?” 

“You’ve gotten better at understanding me.” Erwin smiles. He can’t stop smiling. “I’m so glad.”

“You told me that once before. You’re truly old now, Commander. You keep repeating old words.”

“Am I the only one who is getting old?” Erwin kisses the faint lines by Levi’s right eye. Maybe he will tell Levi about that mission one day. “Well, it’s not bad at all. Getting old with the man you love.” He doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve Levi. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Before they leave the house, Levi packs their 3DMG into another bag and then tells Erwin to bend down. He pulls the bolo tie from his pocket, slips it around Erwin’s neck. He tugs, and the clasp slides up smoothly.

“Good,” Levi says. He places his hand on the doorknob. “Now we’re ready.”


End file.
